The Story of the Three Little Pigs and the Big Bad Wolf
Well, actually he was more of a sniveling, whiney little wolf and almost used up at that, but he had proven that he could take orders and besides he had some sharper and much more voracious Big pigs of his own to keep him in line.
So came the time, like it unfortunately always seems to, when the voracious Big pigs decided they didn’t have ENOUGH for themselves. They had been rooting around in other folks business all around the world already, making things extra hard on the pigs and everybody else, and got folks stirred up against us for doing things in the name of America that no American person would ever think of doing. Like spending our money to arm and train governments that torture and oppress their own people or go around making trouble for their neighbors, just to name one example. Since when did it become part of the American ideal to support such goings on around the world ? Only since the Big Pigs got control and started running things for their own profit, that’s when.
About that time a bunch of Little pigs who had gotten especially fed up came over to the Wolf’s town one day and by means of desperate acts at the price of their own lives managed to hurt the wolves a little bit and sting the wolves’ pride a whole lot more. That played right into the hands of the voracious Big pigs and set off a Big pig plan that hurt all the pigs a lot and hurt everybody else a lot too. Except the Big pigs of course – they got what the hurting squeezed out of the rest of us: Little pigs, Wolfs and just regular folks all. But then, that’s what it was all about in the first place – MORE for the Big pigs
That’s when the Big Bad Wolf, who was named George, had his brief blip on the timeline of history. The Big pigs got behind George the Wolf and said, “The Little pig that made those other pigs die to get our attention is visiting with the Little pigs in the straw house over there. You’re the Big Bad Wolf after all, why not go on over there and blow their house down?” So being an obedient, sniveling wolf deep down inside, George went along.
Off George goes to Kabul to see the Little pigs in the straw house. “You Little pigs have been standing in the way of our pipeline from the Caspian for a few years too long now. Don’t you Little pigs get it ?? IT”S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY. NOW GIVE ME Already Ben Gona right now, or I’ll fart in your general direction and blow your house down !!”. And while the Little pigs in and around Kabul were thinking, “Who is this Wolf and who does he think he is anyway ?” and wondering, “Who is Already Ben Gona and what is pipe Line ?”, George did fart in that general direction and blew the Little pig’s straw house clean down. Then he sent in the US Marine Expeditionary Force to find Ben Gona and the rest of the Little pigs, most of whom were hiding for their lives in the dark in caves by that time. They didn’t get either, really, but the folks in America got the bill and the Big pigs got a little fatter. And they are already starting work on the pipeline.
Of course the American people will help the Little pigs build a new house just because Americans for the most part really are compassionate people who believe in the ideals the country was founded on, And -- the Big pigs will get the contracts for the reconstruction work too. The Big pigs sold the bombs that blew up the house that the Americans will pay the Big pigs to rebuild so that the Little pigs can eventually have jobs working in the sweatshop making sport shoes for the Big pigs to sell to whoever has any money left at that point.
“Wow, was that exhilarating !!”, said one of the Big pigs to another about a month after that, “Oh George, come on over here right now ! You know that Little pig lives right over there somewhere in the general vicinity of those Little suckers you farted down the other day – the one lives in a house all made out of sticks ? People have started to notice that you didn’t get Ben Gona yet, maybe he’s stayin’ with those stick house pigs over there ?” Now, George was nothing if not sharp in learning how to please the Big pigs, so he started right on over to Baghdad, but before he could get there, one of his pals who was just a litter smarter than the others said, “Look George that was pretty spectacular the way you blew down that straw house with a fart and all, but this stick house might hold up a little better, maybe you should use something a little stronger this time, just to be sure you know.”
A month or so later George (now calling himself both the Big Bad Wolf and The Liberator of Kabul on his office stationary), goes calling on the Little pigs in the stick house. Now these were truly some nasty pigs – the Big pigs had set them up a few decades earlier to run things around there. And for a while they pretty much did what the Big pigs wanted, but then over the years they had gotten a little uppity. “I know that you were once seen with Already Ben Gona and besides you been playing around with some dangerous toys over here in your sandbox ! So get out of town by sundown and leave all of your stuff for the New Provisional Government, or I’ll call up 4 carrier battle groups, the Army, Marines, Air Force, and all the general devastation, pain, and destruction that $75 billion American can buy and I’ll blow your house down !!” And in the blink of an eye, before anybody hardly had a chance to say, “Hey, George, chill out a little bit, OK ?”, he did. And he took all of the Little pigs stuff that he could find that wasn’t blown to bits or burned ‘for safe keeping’. And the Big pigs were high fivein’ each other up in their penthouse suites that day, because they already had THEIR fat reconstruction contracts, tax reductions on the profits they made on the fat contracts, and a major rush from all the great fireworks (especially since somebody gon’ have to buy a bunch more new bombs to replace the ones we just shot off.)
So now here it is almost a month later and the Big pigs’ are starting to come down from the rush they got from mainlining another hot load of death and destruction and they are starting to look hungry again. Stay tuned to see where the Big pigs send George next and what he decides to take with him. After all, somebody’s been whispering in George’s ear that those stubby little fat bombs with three triangles on them over there make a REALLY cool flash. “Now let’s see,” he’s thinking “it was ok to bomb the piss out of those Little pigs who were playing around with the little bombs – maybe the Big pigs would give me a pat on the head if I find somebody messing around with one of these little puppies here and kind of beat them to the punch – Big could make a lot of money on that, I’ll bet.”
Who’s George going to visit next, and what will THAT visit cost us ?
Only time will tell, if there is anyone left around to hear the story.